Kept
by AOBZ
Summary: Olivia/Alex femmeslash as always . Olivia has fallen for Alex, but can't tell the blonde because she's straight, right? Rated M for later chapters!
1. Prologue

Well, this story has taken me weeks to get down and written out. I'm still not done, and I have no idea where it's going to end up, but I thought I'd start sharing since I'll be busy soon. I have 11 days to get it all done!

This one is based off the episode "baby killer", but I definitely ignored the unhappy ending! Don't own anyone or anything, but I hope you all enjoy. This is definitely a prologue and doesn't have any cliffhangers! Those will come in time :)

Any constructive criticism is always welcome.. I hope you enjoy the read... more to come in a few days!

Since I can never say thank you to peterpeter, this is my thanks in advance for the review since you always leave one and I can never say thanks!

Special shout out to my regular readers (and reviewers).. I love hearing from you guys! I Hope you enjoy :)

* * *

"Teflon!" shouted Munch.

Alex smiled as she entered the squad room.

"I'm just glad the city isn't burning," she stated, sliding the strap of her briefcase off her shoulder.

"Well you more than survived. You're a hero," Cragen said, walking up to Alex.

Olivia approached the blonde from behind, resting her hand on her shoulder.

"Congratulations."

Alex smiled warmly at her, "Thanks." She looked at Olivia and was compelled to continue, "Actually, my boss is so happy he said I could take Sunday off."

The brunette smiled at her, but before she could respond, Elliot cut in.

"Well we're on our way to McMullan's. How about we buy you a congratulatory drink?"

As Elliot asked the question, Alex looked over at Olivia. When she found the woman smiling at her, she couldn't resist. Normally, going for a drink with a bunch of the guys didn't really sound like something she'd enjoy, but if Olivia was going then she would definitely go.

"Sure," she agreed.

"Great," said the brunette, following Alex out.

Olivia smiled at her. She had hoped Alex would read her eyes and agree to come. She wanted to spend more time with the blonde. Lately, they had been getting lunch together, but this would be the first time they'd go out in the evening. For Olivia, even though they'd be with the guys, this would be a nice step in their friendship. They were slowly starting to get to know one another and she was finding it nice having a female friend. Not that Elliot wasn't a good friend, but it didn't compare to a female friendship.

Olivia couldn't help the grin on her face following Alex out of the precinct. She was excited that the blonde agreed to go with them. She had no idea that the only reason the counsellor was going was because Alex trusted Olivia to keep an eye on her.

Olivia was always subconsciously protecting her. Alex wondered if the woman even realised it. When they walked to get lunch, Olivia always walked on the side near the traffic. When people got too close to them on the sidewalk, she inched closer to the blonde and put herself between them. Olivia always checked the road before they crossed, and she generally just seemed to always be on guard when they were out together. Only once they were at their destination did Olivia finally relax. Alex enjoyed the feeling of protection, even though she knew she could take care of herself. It was endearing that the woman felt the need to protect her. It was kind of cute.

As Alex pushed the door to get outside, she realised she didn't have a vehicle with which to get to the bar. She turned to Olivia.

"Can I get in with you?"

The detective smiled widely at her.

"Of course. I'd love that."

Alex couldn't help smiling back. She followed the detective into the car and put her things in the back. She put her belt on and sat quietly as Olivia drove. She enjoyed just sitting silently next to the woman. Being in her presence had a calming effect on Alex.

When they arrived at the bar, Alex got out of the car and straightened her skirt.

"Do you think they'll care that I'm not a cop?"

Olivia shook her head.

"Nah. I don't think so."

"Okay."

Olivia smiled at her as she opened the door to the bar, letting Alex go through.

"If anyone heckles you, you've got all of us to back you up."

Alex chuckled.

"Thanks."

As they made their way to where the boys were, the blonde placed her hand on Olivia's shoulder to whisper that she was going to take a quick bathroom break. The brunette ignored the burning spot on her shoulder where the woman's hand was and nodded. The brunette then made her way to the table with the guys, smiling at them as she approached.

"Where's Alex?"

"Just had to take a quick bathroom break."

"Better keep an eye out on her. She's bound to run into some single guys looking for a date," Fin said.

Olivia turned her head in the direction of the women's bathroom. Alex would be fine. But still, should she go find her? The woman decided against it. She didn't need to use the washroom so it would probably look creepy if she just showed up and hung around until Alex left the bathroom.

Instead, Olivia turned back to the guys, angling her head so that she could give subtle glances in the direction of the restroom to check for Alex. She made the mistake of looking over at Elliot, who gave her a knowing look. While she had never admitted anything, Elliot knew that she had had a crush on the blonde for as long as the two women had been working together. He would tease his partner every once in a while, but he kept her confidence.

The women had become good friends, but Olivia had never led on about her true feelings. She liked the friendship too much to compromise it. Besides, she knew that Alex would never return her feelings so she didn't even go there. It wasn't even a possibility, so she never even entertained the idea. She forced the idea from her mind and focused on being friends. This wasn't the first time she fell for a straight girl, and it probably would not be the last.

Olivia sighed to herself and looked back at the guys, forcing a smile. They were talking about their plans for the weekend. The brunette didn't contribute anything, knowing she wasn't going to be doing anything anyways. On occasion, she and Alex would grab something to eat and talk for a few hours, but unless that happened, the brunette spent her weekends at home or working. Most of the time, she didn't mind when they caught a case on Friday because it gave her something to do other than watching tv for two days.

"Olivia?"

The brunette was ripped from her thoughts by the beautiful blonde standing next to her. Olivia's breath caught in her throat for a moment as she looked at the woman looking down at her. A small smile tugged on the corner of her lips, her hair falling down to cover part of her face as she made a gesture for the brunette to move so she could sit. Olivia wanted nothing more than to reach her hand up and cup the side of Alex's delicate cheek and guide her down to her lips.

Instead, the woman made a move to get up so that Alex could get into the booth.

"No, no," she said, placing her fingers on Olivia's shoulder to stop her from moving. "I'll sit on the outside."

The feeling in the pit of her stomach from Alex's fingers on her shoulder caused her throat to go dry. This happened any and every time the blonde touched her. She willed herself not to react, but she couldn't help it. Since she couldn't answer because her throat was so dry, she simply nodded and moved so the woman could sit down.

Olivia focused on her breathing, making sure to not let it become uneven. She tried to block out the fact that Alex was sitting so close to her that she could feel her every movement. She decided to tune into Fin's conversation so that she could distract herself.

"…but I definitely did not impress her when I hit the curb takin' a right, goin' right over it, and then scrapin' the rim on the curb." He shook his head. "Man I have done some stupid shit in my life."

"Can't be as bad as the time Olivia tripped over her own foot chasing down a perp."

Olivia's face went beet red as she kicked Elliot under the table. Oh God.

"You're such a dick," she said, fighting the urge to laugh at him. "I still got him!"

Alex looked over at Olivia. "What happened?"

"Yeah, this is the first I've heard of this," Fin added.

Olivia shook her head.

"I was chasing a perp around the corner and I tripped and fell."

"Oh come on, Liv. It was way better than that. She's chasing this guy full force, pissed that he was so damn cocky, so she's gunning it behind him, and he rounds a corner, and boots it up this alley so as Liv's coming around the corner behind him, she steps on her own foot, trips herself, falls flat on her face, but before I can even process what happens, he hears it, turns around, and laughs at her before turning back around and taking off again. She screams out that he's a son of a bitch and gets back up after him. Even though he had a good lead on her, she ended up getting him."

"I tackled him, asshole. Teach him to laugh at me for falling on my face..."

Alex smiled.

"Were you okay?"

"I was fine. Couple scrapes but nothing major. Bruised my ego though. Thanks for bringing it back up, Elliot. I appreciate that one."

"Anytime."

Olivia mock glared at him and took another swig of her drink.

"What about you miss Cabot? Anything embarrassing ever happen to you?"

Alex reflected on Munch's question.

"Um, there was one time I ripped my skirt so high up the back I had to staple it together. I didn't have time to sew it so I had no choice."

Alex looked around at the half smiles.

"I know! My stories are lame…"

The exasperation in her voice caused the guys to chuckle.

"It was kinda funny in court though because I couldn't sit right and I couldn't turn around because I had done such a shotty job of it. I'm sure everyone behind me saw it though. I had a hard time walking around the courtroom too because I couldn't turn my back to the judge, so I probably looked drunk trying to walk backwards to my table."

Olivia chuckled.

"I'm sorry I missed it."

"I'm sure you are."

Alex held her gaze for a second before nudging her with her shoulder, smiling. The men continued to talk, and Alex listened. After listening for a while, she could feel herself wanting to yawn. She tried to suppress it but in the end, the yawn won out.

"You tired?"

Alex shrugged. She was somewhat tired, but she wasn't sure she was ready to go home either.

"No. We can stay for longer."

"I don't mind going now."

Alex thought about it. While she did enjoy the guys' company, the thought of chatting with Olivia alone sounded much better.

"Okay."

When the women started to move out of the booth, the men voiced their disapproval.

"It's so early, why are you going already?"

"Party poopers."

Alex rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. See you guys later."

"Have fun," Elliot said, looking right at Olivia.

The brunette gave him a look, not noticing that the blonde had both heard and seen this exchange.

"Gentlemen," she said, smiling at them.

They waved off the two women and resumed their conversation. Olivia led the way out, opening the door for the blonde and then following her out.

"So what time are you going to your mom's this weekend?"

The woman had mentioned earlier that she had plans to visit her mother for her birthday.

Alex shrugged.

"I don't know. I really don't feel like going."

The women got into the car and Olivia started it up.

"Why not?"

"She's just so.. stuck up," she started, as Olivia took off. "I'm not like that. I mean, I know I'm not exactly the friendliest person-"

"You're friendly."

Alex gave her a look.

"Please. "Ice Queen"? I didn't earn that for nothing."

Olivia didn't know what to say, but her face must have gone pale enough for Alex to notice because the woman waved it off.

"I've known forever, Liv. Don't worry about it. I've been called worse."

The brunette felt really guilty. While she had never called her that, she had never discouraged it either. And before she had gotten to know Alex, she had found the name funny because it had seemed to suit her.

"People who don't know you think you're unfriendly. You're a great person, Alex. That name does not fit the Alex that I know."

The blonde smiled at her.

"Thanks."

The women went quiet until Olivia asked her about her mother's party.

"It's just going to be boring. I can attend her fancy parties and know how I'm expected to act, but I get nothing out of it. I don't find that kind of thing fun, and she doesn't understand why I don't."

"What do you prefer to do?"

"I'd rather hang out with friends, go to dinner, sit in my living room and read a book or watch a movie. I'd rather work. I'd rather swallow shards of glass while getting stung by a thousand hornets. On fire. On my period. Twice."

The women started laughing, giggling more and more as Alex kept adding to her scenario.

"Sounds like your mom is a bucket of fun."

"She's not that bad. It's just… It's not my scene."

"I get it. I don't think I'd like it very much either."

"Probably not. What do you do for fun?"

Olivia shrugged.

"Not much. I'm not a very classy person. Your mom would probably crap her pants if she saw you were hanging out with the likes of me."

Olivia reflected.

"Especially since I just said your mom would crap her pants. I really am not very classy."

Alex laughed. Olivia laughed too, despite the fact that her face was completely red.

"Man, Alex, you have got to find some new friends."

Alex chuckled, but shook her head.

"No, I like you."

Olivia felt herself blush some more, so she kept her eyes on the road.

"I'm glad you think so."

"I do."

The women fell into a comfortable silence, sitting quietly together until they reached Alex's apartment. The blonde thanked Olivia for driving her home, flashing her a big smile before closing the door and making her way into the building. Olivia watched the woman make her way safely inside before driving away.

The following Monday evening, Alex walked into the precinct to find the gang standing around and chatting. She made her way over to them, smiling. She greeted the men and couldn't help giving Olivia an extra wide smile when she noticed the woman bringing her a cup of tea.

"Thought you might like something to drink," she explained, before taking a sip from her own mug.

"Thanks."

This wasn't the first time the brunette had fixed her something to drink when she walked in. Sometimes Alex would find herself being handed a cup of coffee in the middle of talking with one of the guys, and when she'd looked up at the owner of the hand, she'd find Olivia's smiling face looking at her. Alex found it very sweet that the woman always found a minute to make her something.

It all started because she had said once in passing that she never had the time to pick up any coffee or tea on her way to work and found herself craving it every time she walked into the precinct. Ever since she had made that comment, Olivia had been bringing her whatever was freshly made. The blonde found it really sweet and thoughtful.

She smiled warmly at the brunette before taking the mug. She leaned against the detective's desk and listened to the four of them teasing one another back and forth, occasionally sneaking a peak at Olivia when she knew the woman wasn't looking.

"So what are you doing here, Alex?"

"Yeah. What brings you to our humble abode?" asked Munch.

"Captain Cragen has some news for me, so I'm just waiting for him to finish on the phone before I go home. Why aren't any of you at home?"

"Why would I go home when I've got these miserable schleps to hang around with?" Munch answered.

"Hey you better watch yourself or I'm gonna hit you in your miserable schlep," Fin said.

Alex chuckled. She took another sip of her tea and then smiled at Olivia.

"Why aren't you home?"

The brunette shrugged.

"No reason to go, really."

Before the blonde could answer, the captain exited his office and made his way over to the group, a sour look on his face.

"Good thing none of you have left yet. We got one."

The older man seemed to only just notice the blonde.

"Alex. What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you."

"You didn't have to come all the way out here."

Alex smiled at Olivia and nodded.

"I know," she said, turning back to him. "Just thought I'd drop by."

"Okay well while you're here we'll go talk. You four stay there. I'll brief you once I'm done."

The two stepped into Cragen's office and emerged several minutes later. Alex left, nodding to the four detectives on her way out. Cragen made his way to the four detectives with a grave look on his face.

"We've got another case."


	2. Chapter 2

Hello my pretties! Here is part deux of this story! This one is a bit shorter, but I promise it's delicious :) I'm working on wrapping up this story so that I can finish it before next weekend... and start posting faster, but Jesus it is difficult. How do you guys end your stories? I write... but the story keeps going! It won't let me finish it! lol. I promise it will have an ending though.

Thanks to everyone who is reading :) And a special thanks to those reviewing! I love to see the same names from all my previous posts.

Enjoy :)

* * *

It had been three days since Alex had heard anything from Olivia, and she was starting to worry. The woman hadn't contacted her for a search warrant, hadn't hounded her in her office to push her buttons, and she hadn't really responded to any of her messages. In fact, it was like the brunette had disappeared completely. Lately, Olivia had been contacting her every day or every second day, but for the detective to go three days without making any kind of contact? That wasn't normal.

When the blonde woke up on Thursday morning, she had made her decision. She was going to go to the precinct. She told herself it was to see if she could be of any help, but she knew deep down it was because she wanted to check up on the brunette. If the detective didn't even have time to answer her messages, she probably wasn't sleeping either.

That evening after work, Alex made her way to the precinct. Once she got there, she dropped her briefcase on Olivia's desk and looked around at the suspiciously empty squad room. _Where is everyone?_

She saw the billboard behind Elliot's desk: four pictures of young, blonde women were tacked to it. She walked over and read the profiles. Janet Young, 26, business woman, abducted and raped, beaten, left in nothing but a blanket on the side of the road. Emily Johnson, 31, lawyer, abducted, raped, and beaten, left in a sheet in a ditch. Claire Whitmore and Janine Becker were both around the same age as the other two, blonde, pretty, had good jobs, and had the same things done to them.

"Alex?"

The woman jumped and turned around to face Elliot.

"What are you doing here?"

Alex frowned at him, noticing how tired and worn out the detective looked.

"I wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help your investigation."

Elliot shook his head.

"We just got the guy. We're trying to get a confession now but it's taking a little longer than expected."

"Why didn't you call me? Maybe I don't need a confession. I don't even know what you have. Bring me to him."

Elliot sighed, too tired to argue. He led the way to the interrogation room where Olivia was hounding him.

"We have his M.O., we have his DNA on one of the girls. We're trying to get the motive and his confession to the rest of them."

"How do you know he's connected to the other girls?"

"Witnesses place him in the area at the time of the abduction. They all describe a beaten up black pickup which I suspect is driven by our friend here, but they can't describe the driver. He did it all at night so no one got a good look. I know he's good for all of the murders. Just gotta get that confession."

"So what's the problem? Why wasn't I called to get one?"

Elliot sighed.

"Olivia and the captain think it might be better not to implicate you because of the type of women he goes after."

Alex raised an eyebrow.

"You can't be serious." She felt her blood pressure rising. "I wasn't called simply because I happen to be blonde?"

"And successful and young and pretty, Alex." He said, interrupting.

"I'm perfectly capable of handling myself, Elliot. You don't have the right to keep me from a case just because I happen to match some of the victims' details."

He shook his head slowly.

"Look, I know, Alex. I'm not trying to offend you, but we thought it would just be a good idea to get as far as we could without you."

"And how is it going so far?"

They both jumped at the sound of a hand slamming against a table. They looked up in time to see Olivia leave the room, fuming. When she saw Elliot and Alex, she looked like she was going to rip someone's head off.

"Why did you call her? I told you I'd get it out of him!"

"He didn't call me. But while we're talking about this, you don't have the right to keep me out of cases, Olivia."

Olivia took a deep breath. She was too upset to talk right now so she walked away.

"Olivia. Olivia!"

Alex jogged after her and grabbed her arm.

"Don't just walk away from me."

Olivia ripped her arm from her grasp.

"Look. I'm too angry to talk to you right now."

"Well what about me? I have the right to be angry too. You have no right to keep me from doing my work."

The brunette sighed angrily.

"I'm sorry Alex, but this guy… He tortures these women. He picks them out specifically because they're blonde, they're beautiful, they're successful, they're independent. He beats them and he rapes them. I couldn't…"

Alex felt her anger dissipate.

"I know you worry, Liv. But if you look at me as a potential victim, you don't allow me to do my job. I can take care of myself. If you let me do my job, you don't have to worry about this guy getting me because he'll be locked up so long that he won't be able to get to me. Okay? I don't like that I was left out of this. This isn't fair and it's not professional. I'm not some weak woman who is helpless. This is my job, Olivia, and I want to do it."

Olivia looked defeated. She also looked exhausted and Alex had a feeling that that had more to do with the detective giving in than anything else.

"How far have you gotten with him?"

"Not very."

"Let me go talk to him. Okay?"

Alex was never one to ask permission, but for some reason, she felt she should this time. She figured it would just make things easier if Liv made the decision (not that she would have accepted no).

The detective looked at her, clearly debating.

"You'll be there too, Liv. If he tries anything drastic, we'll stop it. I know I can get it from him, just let me do it."

The brunette bit her lip.

"I don't like this, Alex."

"I know."

"I don't want him going after you."

"I know you don't. But so far, what you're doing, is it working?"

The brunette sighed. She had to admit it wasn't. They had been after him for nearly twenty hours and if they didn't get something out of him soon, he would walk.

Finally, she relented. She had no other choice.

"Okay. But if he lays a finger on you-"

"I know."

Olivia walked half a step behind Alex and followed her to the interrogation room. Just as they were about to enter, the blonde stopped and turned to Olivia.

"Do I look put together?"

"What?"

"Should I straighten anything or is my hair out of place?"

Alex flattened her hair as she spoke.

"I don't want to look disheveled. He obviously has an issue with successful career women so I want to look professional."

Olivia nodded. "You look good."

Alex nodded and turned around, putting on her game face as she walked through the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Well, it's 1:30 am and I'm exhausted but I wanted to post this for those of you who have been so loyally reading this story. Thanks so much for your awesome reviews.. they make my day. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I really liked writing it. I didn't dwell on dialogue in this chapter, because I thought it was more important to get into Olivia's head. Let's hope it's still a good read :)

* * *

The women walked in, and the minute their perp, Thomas Collingwood, noticed the pretty blonde, his demeanor changed completely. Olivia dragged a chair to sit 90 degrees to his left, angling herself so that she could see him perfectly, while still being able to keep an eye on the blonde as she faced him.

She watched Alex as the woman introduced herself, starting with small talk and trying to get the man to start talking. Olivia didn't really hear much of what she was saying. She was too busy watching Thomas' every move, keeping an eye on Alex out of the corner of her eye. She watched as he tried to keep his cool, first acting nonchalantly and then becoming slightly irritated. She continued to ask him questions, make statements, accusations, and the man seemed to become irritated with her in a way that he had never become with Olivia. The detective had tried to get on his nerves, but he had remained cool the entire time. Now, with Alex, he became angrier and angrier, hitting the table and shaking his leg, making fists with his hands.

Olivia watched him carefully, controlling her breathing as she dared him to make a move. She willed him to give her an excuse. She was frustrated with him, annoyed at all the time and energy she had poured into this case without getting any results. She was irritated with how damn cocky he had been with her, how much of a misogynist and narcissist he was. As she sat watching him, she envisioned taking out her anger on him. She was more than happy to vent some of her frustration out on his face.

When he slammed his fist on the table and started to speak more loudly, Olivia sat up straighter, getting ready to strike. She was never usually this tense when it came to suspects, but then again, this had been the first one to target women who were just like Alex. This was the first time Alex was, in Olivia's eyes, a direct target. She didn't take very kindly to someone threatening her ADA – their ADA- and she took the threat personally. She eyed him carefully, deciding she should probably try to focus on what he was rambling to Alex.

"I don't know who killed them, but I'm not exactly crying over it. Women belong at home with their kids. They shouldn't be working. They take jobs from honest men, acting like they are someone. When women get into the work force, they get cocky. They start getting ideas. Better to keep them home where they belong."

Alex looked at him.

"So it must have made you angry to see these women working. That's why you targeted them isn't it, Mr. Collingwood? Those women… successful, beautiful, intelligent, were out of your reach, weren't they? They'd never go with you willingly so you forced them to."

"I didn't touch those women!"

"Your DNA was found on the victims. Explain that to me."

The man stopped talking. Alex leaned across the table from him.

"You can't argue with DNA, Mr. Collingwood. Witnesses have placed you at the crime scenes. You did it."

"I did not!"

He slammed the table and pushed on it, so that it hit Alex's thighs. Olivia immediately jumped up and grabbed the edge of the table, keeping it from bumping Alex any harder. She reached over and dug her fingers into the man's shoulder, pushing him back down in his seat.

"Try that again and you'll see what happens."

The man yanked his shoulder from her and snarled. Olivia sat back down, bringing her chair slightly closer to him as Alex resumed provoking him. She was pacing back and forth in front of him, questioning him and getting ever closer. She could tell that she was getting to him by the way that he was sweating and clenching his fists, so she got closer and closer the more she questioned him. Olivia didn't like what was going on. She didn't like how Alex was getting closer to the table separating her from the man, but the detective knew that if anyone could get him to confess, it was her. And it seemed like she was getting close.

Alex could feel her blood pumping, the adrenaline of getting closer to the truth pushing her to keep aggravating the man. She didn't even care that he might react. All she cared about what getting the information. She knew he was going to give it, so she moved to his left and provoked him some more. She could feel how close she was getting to the truth. She was right in her element, getting in his personal space, making him uncomfortable, repeating his name, repeating that he had indeed killed the women. When she was just a breath's space away, she knew she had him. That was it.

He snapped.

The man bolted out of his chair, swearing at her that she would experience what the others had.

"You're nothing but a goddamn bitch, just like the rest of them. How dare you talk to me like you're superior to me?!"

He grabbed her shoulders and growled that they deserved what he did to them. Olivia was already in the mix, placing her right hand just above Alex's breasts, on her sternum, and pushing her back forcefully, causing the woman to crash back into the fencing covering the window. At the same time as she pushed Alex, Olivia bent her left arm and smashed her elbow into Thomas' nose. As the man stumbled back, Olivia reached both arms forward and used her leg to twist the perp around and slam him face first onto the table. He managed to get a punch into her cheek as she took him down, but she didn't even feel it because of the anger resonating through her body.

Alex watched as Olivia took down the suspect, fear coursing through her body. She heard the door open and looked over to see Fin and Elliot bursting through, assisting Olivia as she slammed the guy down a second time, reaching to her back to grab her handcuffs. Alex slipped out of the room and into the hallway, watching as the men wrestled the perp from Olivia's grasp.

"Liv, you got him. It's okay."

The woman suddenly let go, as if her hands were on fire. She looked up and stared straight ahead, directly where Alex was staring at her through the two way window. Olivia backed up, quickly exiting the room, ignoring Elliot calling after her. Before Alex could go after her, Elliot made his way to Alex as Fin walked out of the room with the perp.

"So, is that good enough to put him away for life?" Elliot asked.

Alex swallowed hard and nodded.

"It's good. Hopefully it'll be enough for life."

The blonde turned away from him and scanned the squad room. _Where did she go?_


	4. Chapter 4

To all my beautiful (all of you) reviewers and loyal readers: here is a special gift! I know, a SECOND post in less than 24 hours? It's because you guys are awesome and inspire me to write more (or because I had a really, really bad day with crappy news and I write better when I need to escape... you can decide haha). Let's not let that ruin this awesome chapter though... This was honestly one of my favourite chapters to write (along with a scene in the next chapter I'm writing). I think you guys will see why when you read... so exciting and cute!

To anyone whose birthday it is today... happy birthday!

Merci à tous mes lecteurs francophones aussi! C'est plus facile d'écrire en anglais, alors j'espère que vous me pardonnez! N'hésitez pas à me laisser un message en français... je le comprendrai parfaitement!

Y a los que hablan español... no sé escribir en español bastante bien para escribirles una historia en su lengua.. pero les doy las gracias por leer en inglés!

I'd give a thanks in every language but I can only speak those three. Or Italian: Non parlo l'italiano! That's all I remember from that class. Anyways, enough rambling. Enjoy!

PS- all my readers from Spain (ha all 5 of you), I invade your country in one month! :D

* * *

Olivia went to the one place where she knew she'd find peace: the squad's sleeping quarters. She opened the door and closed it gently behind her, making her way to the nearest bed and lying down on her side, facing the windows opposite the door. She looked out at the city lights, only now becoming aware of the fact that her left cheek was throbbing painfully.

She crossed her arms and closed her eyes, waiting for when Elliot would come find her. She knew he'd come after her, and she knew he'd find her here, as he always did. All she wanted to do was cry. She felt incredibly guilty for pushing Alex so hard. The sound of the woman crashing into the fencing around the window kept playing over and over in her head. What if her hair had gotten stuck around the links? What if she slammed her head back? What if she had smashed her elbow against the concrete wall? What if she had hurt her?

Olivia wiped at the tears in her eyes. And she was probably going to get in trouble with Cragen for hurting that son of a bitch too. Where was the justice? He abducted, tortured, raped, and killed four women, and yet he could claim police brutality because Olivia had hit him a couple times. She knew she had been using force excessively, but her adrenaline had been pumping and she couldn't help it. He had threatened one of their own, and it was _Alex_. She shook her head.

She tried to think of what to say to Elliot when he came into the room. She knew he'd probably say something about the fact that she manhandled their perp. She did use a lot of force on him, but she didn't feel guilty about that. He deserved it. In fact, it made her angry that she would probably get in trouble for it. He had threatened Alex, and he had done a hell of a lot worse to those women.

Olivia sighed deeply. She bit her bottom lip as she heard the door open. She decided to get it out before he said something. She didn't want to be reprimanded. Not when she felt like this.

"El, I know you're here to lecture me, but I really can't hear it. I know I shouldn't have been so rough with him and if you're here cuz the captain got you in trouble too, I'm sorry. I'll talk to him. I just couldn't handle it. Something inside… snapped. I've been staring at those women's pictures and thinking about everything he did to them, everything they went through, and when he went after Alex, I just lost it. That asshole doesn't deserve to even be in the same room as her. I couldn't handle him touching her. Knowing what he would have done to her had he been alone with her…" Olivia felt her anger rise considerably, so she took a deep breath before continuing. "It just… I lost it and I know I shouldn't have. I know I was too rough with him. And I was with her too. I feel horrible that I shoved her. Is she okay?"

She sighed when she heard no response.

"El?"

She shifted slightly, hearing footsteps that were not Elliot's. Before she could turn to see who it was, she felt the bed dip beside her and a hand come to rest on her hip. Olivia turned and found Alex smiling at her.

The brunette immediately turned beet red. Her eyes widened and she immediately went over everything she just said. She mentally kicked herself in the ass. She had been sure it was Elliot. _Oh shit._ She hadn't divulged anything _too_ telling, had she?

"Hey."

Olivia's smile was shaky.

"Hi. I-uh, I thought you were Elliot."

The brunette sat up in the cot, causing Alex's hand to slide down to rest on her knee. She was glad the blonde didn't pull away, even though Olivia's belly dropped at the feel of Alex's hand on her leg.

"So I see," she smiled warmly. "Thanks for watching out for me."

"I'm sorry for pushing you. Are you okay?"

"Don't worry about that, Liv. I'm fine. Thank you for stepping in."

Alex glanced down at her hand.

"Here. I brought you this. For your cheek."

She handed Olivia a bottle of cold juice.

"It's the only thing I could find. I figured it's better than nothing."

The brunette smiled.

"Thanks."

She took the bottle and brought it to her cheek, flinching when the cold plastic touched her skin.

"Does it hurt?"

Olivia shrugged, turning the bottle to find a more comfortable position.

"It doesn't hurt that bad. I'm just glad he didn't hit you."

"Well, thanks for saving me. Even though I do feel guilty that he hit you instead of me."

"Don't. I would never want him to touch you. That son of a bitch would have gotten it worse if he had."

Alex smiled warmly at her and squeezed her knee.

"Thank you," she said softly. "I still feel bad though."

Olivia smiled at her.

"You can pay me back with dinner if you feel that guilty," she said jokingly.

"Okay."

Olivia paused.

"No, I'm just kidding. You don't need to-"

"I'd like to take you out," she said, cutting her off. "To say thanks," she added quickly.

Olivia smiled at her, suddenly feeling shy.

"That would be nice."

"I think so too."

The women smiled at each other. The detective tried desperately not to turn any redder, fighting the shyness suddenly overcoming her. Olivia still couldn't help noticing just how beautiful Alex looked. Her hair was pulled back so she could see all of her face, her perfectly glossed lips, her flawless skin… Even from here, she could smell Alex's shampoo and it made Olivia want to pull the woman in her arms. Alex always smelt so good.

The door opened suddenly, yanking Olivia from her thoughts. Both women's heads snapped in the direction of the door, causing Elliot to pause in the doorway. Alex sat up straight, pulling her hand from Olivia's knee and placing both of her hands in her lap.

"Liv? Captain wants you to know you're done for the weekend. He's sending all of us home until Monday."

"Is he pissed?"

Elliot shook his head.

"No. Just concerned. He said we all need to get some sleep."

The brunette nodded.

"Okay, well, see you two later. Bye Alex."

"Bye Elliot."

The door closed and the women were left in quiet.

"So, the weekend, huh?"

Olivia nodded. "Looks like."

"What are you going to do?"

Olivia shrugged.

"Not sure. Probably just hang out I guess. I thought I'd be working all weekend. I guess I'll sleep. What are you doing?"

"I'm not sure. I was thinking of asking a friend if she wanted to hang out tomorrow night. Maybe grab dinner and watch a movie or something."

"Oh yeah?" From the way Alex was talking, Olivia knew that she was that friend, and she was excited at the prospect of spending an evening with the beautiful blonde.

"Yes. I mean, I'm not sure if she's available or interested but-"

"I don't see why she wouldn't be. I think she'd probably be really interested."

"Good. I was thinking maybe six or so. If that works for her."

"That's a good hour to pick. Are you going to have your friend pick up dinner?"

"Well, probably not because I kind of owe her dinner so. I'm not sure what she'd like though."

"I don't know. Chinese is a good option, as long as the host likes Chinese too."

Alex smiled. She liked playing with Olivia like this. Their job was so serious all the time, so it was nice to see Olivia relaxed and playful.

"It's actually my favourite."

"Well there you go. It's a date," Olivia said smiling.

"Is it now?" Alex asked playfully as she got up from the bed. "See you tomorrow at six."

With that, the woman left.


	5. Chapter 5

So, this was another scene I loved (I love angst) but I am a little unsure of the ending/last little bit of this part. I feel like it's a bit.. I don't know. I feel like it could more well written, but I'm not sure how to fix it, so I hope you all like it anyways.

This one is dedicated to one Renconteur, whose birthday is today! I won't divulge age since a lady never reveals such things. If there are any single ladies though, you can make your way to her! :P (I'm always willing to help a friend) Happy Birthday!

* * *

Olivia had been pacing all day. She was nervously cleaning her apartment, even though she was going to Alex's, because she needed to keep busy. She had been debating what to wear all day. She even considered going to the mall to buy a new outfit because she was having such trouble finding something here.

At four thirty, she finally told herself she had to choose something. She had picked out a potential shirt: a black blouse that fit tight and had a button-down front. After the last button in the front, the last two inches of the material parted and left her belt buckle in plain view. She had been complimented before on this top with the black pants she had already chosen (and was currently wearing), so it won out. She put on the blouse and stared at herself. Was it too much black? …. Nah.

Olivia leaned in closer to the mirror and fixed her hair, ruffling it up a little on the top, giving it a messier look. She put on a bit of eye shadow, deciding to give herself at least a little colour.

As she made her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth, she wondered what Alex was going to wear tonight. Would she wear a skirt? Suddenly, Olivia was filled with doubt. She had been telling herself all day it wasn't a date, but that hopeful part of her brain kept going over what Alex said: _"Is it now?"_

Olivia stared at herself in the bathroom mirror.

"It's not a date."

She finished brushing her teeth and pushed the thought from her mind. She made her way to the bedroom after she finished and gave herself a once-over. Was this too date-like of an outfit?

She turned to the side and flattened her shirt. She paused for a moment and finally just shrugged. She didn't have time to pick out another outfit so she grab her leather coat and left for the Chinese food place.

By the time Olivia arrived at Alex's, it was ten to six. She debated whether or not to wait another five minutes in the car or to just go up right away. Her giddiness getting the better of her, the detective decided to go right away. She was too excited to see what Alex looked like to wait.

She nodded at the doorman and headed to the elevator. She tapped her fingers against the side of her thigh as she rode the elevator up, checking herself in the reflection of the elevator mirror. She fixed her hair again, tugged on her shirt, and when the elevator chimed, she turned around and nervously stepped out into the hallway. _It's not a date. It's not a date. Why are you nervous? _… _Maybe because this is the first time I've spent any alone time with Alex. In her apartment no less!_

Olivia cleared her throat and approached Alex's door. She took a deep breath and raised her hand, knocking three times. She took a step back and waited nervously, her stomach turning when the door finally opened.

When Olivia saw the blonde, she had to control her breathing, evening it out so as not to make it obvious that the woman had literally made her breath catch in her throat. Alex was wearing a tight, grey sweater and a pair of hip hugging jeans. The sweater came down to her thighs, and Olivia felt her mouth go dry as she looked the woman up and down. Alex had done something to crinkle her hair and had tied it loosely to the side, near the bottom of her head. She looked amazing. Olivia had visions of throwing the blonde up against the wall and running her hands all over her body. Instead, she smiled at her as she took a step into the apartment.

"Here, pass me your coat and I'll hang it in the closet."

"Okay."

Olivia couldn't help the dozens of butterflies in her stomach as she stood in the apartment, taking off her coat. She had spent a lot of time with Alex before, but it was always at work, in a restaurant, on a walk. The only time they were alone was in her office, but on those occasions, Olivia was there for work. When she wasn't with Alex for work, they were grabbing lunch somewhere where there were tons of people around, tons of distractions and opportunities to make conversation. Now, they were just the two of them.

"I, uh, I didn't know what you wanted so I just grabbed a bit of different things."

"Sounds good. I'm not very fussy. Take a seat on the couch, and I'll grab some plates."

Olivia nodded and made her way to the couch, setting the paper bag on the coffee table and taking a seat. She started to take things out of the bag, opening them and putting a plastic fork or spoon in the containers.

Alex emerged from the kitchen a minute later, plates and drinks in hand.

"I grabbed you an iced tea."

"My favourite."

Alex grinned.

"I know that, detective. Whenever we go out, that's what you always have. With the amount that you drink, I'm surprised you don't just have a drip of it going right to your veins."

The brunette laughed, feeling herself relax. _Thank God it's not weird between us._

"Hey. Excuse me for liking it!"

The blonde chuckled and took a seat, passing her the drink. The women added food to their plates, chatting comfortably about what they had done that day. Olivia failed to mention that she had spent most of the day fretting over what to wear and obsessively cleaning her apartment. Alex, for her part, also omitted the fact that she had done the same. The only difference was her apartment had already been clean, but she had cleaned it just the same.

"So what movie are we watching tonight?"

Alex shrugged as she took a bite of her food.

"I'm not sure. I have a tv series called _The Big Bang Theory_. Have you ever seen it?"

Olivia shook her head.

"Oh. You are missing out. It's hilarious. It's what I watch when I need to wind down or just need a distraction."

"Alright. It's not going to bother you to watch something you've already seen?"

"Not at all. It's worth watching over again. The show gets better as the seasons progress too."

"I think that's how it works for most shows."

Alex chuckled.

"You're probably right."

While the women ate, they sat on their end of the couch so that they could face each other. After they finished, Olivia cleared the coffee table and put the leftovers in the fridge while Alex hooked up her laptop to the tv. Olivia made her way back, sitting on the couch and (not) admiring Alex's ass as she leaned over and set up the show.

"This thing is so frustrating."

She wiggled the wires a few times and grumbled.

"Ugh. There. Finally."

Alex grabbed the remote and walked over to the couch, this time sitting directly beside the brunette.

"That thing always gives me attitude."

Olivia chuckled, despite the fact that she was tingling inside at having Alex so close.

"Here. I'm gonna go grab a blanket and my glasses."

She handed the remote to Olivia while she went to the bedroom, pulling the elastic from her hair and ruffling the back of it to get the dent from the ponytail out of her hair. She grabbed her glasses from her dresser and a blanket from the foot of her bed. She put on her glasses and headed to the couch, sitting right back next to Olivia. She cuddled into the overstuffed couch, pulling her knees up and throwing the blanket over herself and Olivia.

"Want to share?"

Olivia couldn't help the smile forming on her face at just how cute Alex looked, balled up next to her, offering her a corner of the blanket with a big smile on her face. The smile formed without Olivia even trying, taking the blanket offered to her and draping it over her lap.

"You can put your feet on the coffee table too if you want. To get more comfortable."

"I don't want-"

"Don't worry. I do it all the time. See?"

Alex extended her feet and put them onto the table, a big goofy smile on her face.

"You're really cute, you know that?"

Olivia's eyes widened as her face flushed completely. She had not meant to say that out loud. It had completely slipped.

"I mean-"

Without missing a beat, Alex interrupted. "Thanks. I'm glad you think so."

The blonde smiled at her before turning her head to face the television. Olivia felt her heart pounding in her chest. She was so embarrassed. She couldn't believe Alex had just accepted the compliment and wasn't weirded out.

She heard Alex chuckle beside her, so she looked up at the tv. She saw the images flash before her eyes, but she couldn't watch it now. What had Alex meant when she said she was glad? Was she just being friendly? _Did she just flirt with me?_ Olivia gave herself a mental shake. Alex isn't gay. Of course she was just being friendly.

"Liv, pay attention," Alex said, patting Olivia's leg under the blanket.

The brunette blushed at the feel of Alex's hand on her thigh.

"Sorry. I am. Promise."

Alex gave her a "yeah right" look. Olivia smiled sheepishly and tried to concentrate, bringing her feet up and snuggling into the couch. After she managed to concentrate enough, she did find herself giggling with Alex. But in the back of her mind, the doubts were still there. She was confused and excited, and it was really hard to kill the hope that maybe Alex was being more than just friendly. Alex had always been really friendly on their lunch outings, bordering on flirtatious at times, but Olivia had always chalked that up to the fact that Alex was a woman. Women joked and were playful with their close friends all the time and this was no different. Right?

But Olivia found herself doubting. Had Alex been anyone else, she would have assumed Alex was sending signals and flirting. But, because she knew the ADA, it couldn't be true. Alex wasn't gay.

Olivia felt her side being nudged.

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah. It's pretty good," she replied. She hadn't really been paying close attention because her mind had been wandering, but she couldn't exactly say that.

"Did you know the main guy, that tall one there, he's gay in real life."

"Really?"

_Why is she bringing that up?_

"It's kind of nice to see actors coming out and not staying closeted."

Olivia nodded.

"Yeah, it is. I can't imagine how hard it would be to stay closeted though when you're in the spotlight like that. That's why I would never be an actor. You have no privacy."

"Yeah, I know. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't want the whole world to know my business," Alex responded.

"Besides, I would miss the people I work with," the blonde added, looking up and smiling at Olivia.

"Well, we would miss you too. Even though you're a royal pain in our asses."

"I am not!" She said, feigning surprise at the comment.

"Yeah, you are."

The blonde laughed.

"Okay maybe. But that's only because you drive me nuts."

Olivia laughed along with her.

"It's fun to get you riled up. You're cute when you're angry. And I almost take you seriously."

Alex, grinning, shook her head as she looked away.

"You're an asshole."

The women chuckled. Olivia turned back to the show.

"I've missed like half this episode because you won't stop bothering me."

"Oh I have not."

"Mhmm."

"Well then," Alex made a move to get up, "If you want me to leave…"

Olivia grabbed her arm under the blanket.

"No no."

"That's what I thought," Alex answered, cuddling back into the couch.

"I'm really just teasing you. I enjoy having you around."

"That's right. Because I'm a joy to be around," the blonde responded.

Olivia chuckled.

"And modest too."

"And gorgeous."

The detective laughed. The blonde smiled to herself before resting her head on Olivia's forearm.

"This okay?"

Olivia was surprised. "Yeah. Of course."

Alex snuggled closer, resting her body against Olivia's side. Olivia felt her body responding, and she wondered why Alex decided to cuddle this way. She never cuddled with her friends like this. Sitting next to them, yes. Touching from proximity, yes. But she had never sat directly next to one of her friend and laid herself against them.

This was going beyond just being friends, wasn't it? Alex was sitting extremely close to her, and Olivia felt tense. She felt wrong for enjoying this because she knew Alex didn't intend for it to be intimate. She couldn't enjoy this. Alex was innocently sitting next to her and Olivia was enjoying it. It felt wrong. She felt like she was taking advantage of her innocence. If only she had known Alex was enjoying it just as much as she was.

Alex was thoroughly enjoying the contact and thought the brunette knew her intentions. Even though they had never discussed it directly, she had been slowly getting more and more friendly with the woman, and, receiving no objection, had felt encouraged. Olivia even returned the flirtatious comments with some of her own. To Alex, that meant a mutual understanding of where this was going and what this meant.

Alex had started out slowly with the comments, only escalating them after Olivia had been completely receptive to them. She could tell that Olivia was interested by the way the woman looked at her, and by the way she acted when they were together. She had been waiting for the detective to make the first move, but so far the woman had kept to herself. She had told herself that if Olivia didn't make the first move tonight, she would.

So, that's how they had ended up like this. She wanted to cuddle, so she moved herself close to Olivia and laid against her. The woman felt amazing, even better than Alex had imagined. She could smell her against her clothes, and Alex closed her eyes a couple of times when she breathed in. She wanted nothing more than to be spooned by the detective, but she figured that would be moving a little too quickly. Instead, she settled for lying against her and holding her hand.

"What would you say if I grabbed your hand?"

Olivia, oblivious to everything Alex was feeling, couldn't take it anymore. She didn't know what game Alex was playing but she didn't like it.

"Why? Why do you want to grab my hand and why are you sitting like this against me?"

Alex bit her bottom lip.

"Because I want to."

Olivia looked at her. She knew her anger was part confusion and part guilt, because she knew it was wrong to want these things when Alex didn't. She was wrong for enjoying Alex laying next to her, so she took it out on the blonde.

Alex chewed on her lip. Suddenly she felt shy.

"Um," she took a deep breath and pulled away from Olivia. "I-I guess we should have had an official talk. I thought you were on the same page as me. I thought…"

Alex felt her ears turning red. She rarely got this embarrassed, but she wasn't able to control it with Olivia.

"What?" Olivia could feel her head spinning in confusion.

Alex hesitated.

"I like you. I… thought you liked me too."

Olivia's reaction made Alex want to cry. She was mortified. She had made a horrible mistake. Olivia was repulsed.

The blonde shook her head. Clearly she had misunderstood. Olivia was just being nice, a good friend. She wasn't gay. Alex had been so sure. She felt like she was suffocating. She pushed off the blanket and bolted from the couch. She had to get away. She tripped on the blanket but continued her frantic movements to get away.

"I'm sorry."

"No, Alex-"

Before Olivia could stop her, Alex bolted from the room.

* * *

dun, dun, dun. This is a little teaser. Part 1. Now I'm off to work, and part 2 will be posted tonight after work (in 8 hours) as part 2 of someone's birthday surprise! This is my version of cake... some virtual goodies! :) ... my apologies to those who live overseas and will be in bed! But, you will have a nice surprise in the morning!


	6. Chapter 6

Here is part 2 as promised! I hope you like it :)

* * *

_Before Olivia could stop her, Alex bolted from the room._

The brunette kicked off the blanket and went after her. She called out her name, but Alex ignored her. She needed to get away.

Olivia managed to get to the bedroom door just before Alex closed it completely.

"Please, Liv, just go. I can't right now."

"No. We need to clear something up."

Olivia opened the door, her face dropping when she saw that Alex was crying.

"Oh God honey. Come here."

She pulled Alex into her arms, even though the woman resisted.

"You like me? I can't believe you like me, Alex. Are you serious?"

"Please Olivia. I'm sorry. Just go. I'm so embarrassed. I can't-"

"You are such a silly woman, Alex. Jesus. Of course I like you too. I like you a hell of a lot more than you think I do. I was in shock. I am in shock."

She held Alex tight, rubbing her back.

"I like you a lot too, Alex. But… what? I'm so confused. You're my friend. You don't like me. I've been telling myself for weeks that you're straight. You just took me by surprise. I can't believe it."

Olivia pulled back.

"Since when are you into women?"

Alex wiped at her eyes, a small smile forming on her lips.

"Since I was a teenager. I thought you knew…I thought I was being obvious."

"My head is spinning, Alex. You're a lesbian? Or you're bisexual?"

Alex shook her head.

"I'm definitely a lesbian."

The tears continued to pour down her cheeks. Olivia wiped her cheeks and pulled her back into a hug.

"I've liked you for so long, Liv. I was so sure you liked me back," she said, unable to stop the tears. She was still reeling from everything that just happened. "You gave me a heart attack in the living room. I was so embarrassed. I'm still so embarrassed."

Olivia pulled her even closer and kissed her temple. She had been dreaming of smelling Alex's hair while holding her like this for so long. She inhaled deeply, smiling at how good the woman smelt. She made sure to close her eyes and imprint that smell into her mind.

"How could I not, Alex? You're beautiful, intelligent, kind, aggressive, successful, honest, passionate, funny, and the list goes on. Jesus. I'm had my sights set on you since the first day you walked into the precinct."

Between the tears, the blonde gave a small chuckle into her neck.

"It feels really good to finally hold you like this," Olivia whispered into her neck.

"I know. For me too," Alex said, laying a soft kiss on her shoulder.

The women stayed like that, hugging for several minutes, until Olivia had to pull away. She tugged Alex onto the bed, turning to her side to sit facing her.

"So, you're not kidding. You're serious. Like, this isn't some sick joke?"

Alex felt herself getting shy, but she answered anyways.

"It's not a joke, Liv. I'm really attracted to you. I…would like more than just a, a friendship. If you do."

"Of course I do," she said, probably a little too eagerly.

The blonde smiled at her enthusiasm.

"I'm not out at work…"

Alex shook her head. "Neither am I."

"Elliot knows."

"Does he know about…?" Alex made a gesture, indicating that she was asking if he knew about what was going on between the two of them.

"I never told him but yeah, he knows."

Alex nodded.

The women sat in silence, each processing everything that just happened.

"So you like me, huh? I don't know how the hell that happened or what the hell I did, but I'll take it."

The blonde smiled.

"You're a really great person, Olivia. I admire you a lot. There's a lot of reasons to like you."

"You're extremely attractive, Alex. You could have any ma-" Olivia stopped, correcting herself, "_woman_ you wanted. Why me?"

"You make me feel safe, Olivia. And that's not something that happens easily for me. You are protective and I really appreciate how selfless you are. You're a great person, and you have a great sense of humour. You're incredibly respectful and you're honest. You have all the qualities I value in a woman. I respect you and admire you, and that's something I find really attractive."

Alex let Olivia digest everything she just said before adding one last thing.

"Plus, you're hot."

The brunette couldn't help the chuckle she let out. The comment helped to lighten the mood.

"I like you because you're a good person, Olivia. It's as simple as that."

The brunette didn't know what to say, so instead, she pulled Alex into a hug.

"You're the best kind of person too, Alex."

Olivia kissed her temple and held her close, reveling at how good it felt to finally hold the woman she had been thinking about for so long.

"You're way out of my league, Alex. But I won't argue with a good thing."

The blonde chuckled.

"I'm not out of your league, Olivia."

"Like hell you aren't."

Olivia pulled away as she spoke, suddenly noticing the time on the blonde's clock radio. It was approaching eleven.

"Should I go now? You're probably going to want to go to bed soon."

The blonde looked back at the clock.

"Do you think you could stay for just a couple more episodes? I think it might be nice to cuddle a bit… for real this time."

Olivia smiled, excited at the idea of actually getting to hold her and being allowed to enjoy it. Alex got up and held out her hand. Olivia grabbed it without hesitation and followed her into the living room. Olivia made her way to the couch as Alex went to her laptop and brought them back to the correct episode. The show had continued playing while the women had been gone, so she flipped backward until she found the correct episode.

Alex turned towards Olivia and walked over. She stood by the couch and smiled warmly at the detective. She felt her whole body shiver from excitement as she slipped under the blanket with her, turning on an angle to rest her head on the woman's chest. Olivia wrapped her arm around Alex's waist and kissed the top of her head.

Even like this, Olivia decided they weren't touching enough, so she pulled Alex even closer and wrapped her other arm around the woman. She held her close, softly kissing her head and settling into the show. When Alex rested her arms on top of hers and intertwined their fingers, Olivia felt her heart skip a beat. Her stomach dropped and she could feel the electricity coursing through her body. She thought she was going to die then and there. Alex squeezed Olivia's hand and the brunette smiled, giving a gentle squeeze back.

Alex gave a small giggle, causing the detective to smile widely.

"Did you just giggle at me?" she asked, nuzzling her nose in the woman's hair. She placed a gentle kiss on the back of her head before pulling back.

"Hmm? Did you?"

Alex, grinning, responded with a "maybe".

Olivia said nothing more, content to give the woman another little kiss. She sighed happily and held the woman close, relaxing completely against Alex. The women sat together, enjoying the intimacy, before Olivia finally decided at one a.m. that she needed to get home.

She pulled the ADA from the couch and they walked hand in hand to the door. Olivia hugged Alex close, kissing her temple and whispering in her ear that she looked forward to seeing her again.

"Me too," Alex responded.

Olivia gave her one last squeeze before turning around and leaving the apartment.


	7. Chapter 7

Well, we're getting close to the end of this story... I only anticipate having 4 or so more chapters after this one. I'm STILL not sure how the heck this will end.. so I'm hoping it will just come to me while I'm writing. I hope you enjoy this chapter.. it's very cutesy :) something I love to write.

Thanks to all my loyal readers!

This one is dedicated to all my overseas friends... You didn't get to read part 2 of the last post until the next day, so this time you get first dibs on the story! :)

* * *

The next morning, Olivia woke up with a smile on her lips. She felt like she was on cloud 9. Since it was still kind of early, she decided to get up and go for a jog. By the time she returned, it was well after lunch time and she was sweating like crazy. Even though she desperately wanted a shower, she had been fighting the urge to run home to text Alex all morning so before she even went to the bathroom, she made her way to her night table and grabbed her cellphone. She flipped it over and texted Alex.

-_So, I didn't dream this all right? _

She walked to the living room and dropped onto her couch, smiling widely when she received a message a few minutes later.

_-No. Did you change your mind?_

Olivia raised her eyebrows.

_-Like I could. You doing anything today?_

She hopped off of the couch, feeling too giddy to sit in one place. She made her way to the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice. She tapped her leg and felt her heart race when the phone vibrated.

_-No, I'm not. Are you?_

Olivia suppressed the urge to let out a small squeal of excitement. She felt like a teenager again.

_-No. I'm wondering if it's too much to ask you out to lunch since you just saw me yesterday._

Olivia felt her palms get sweaty as she waited for a reply.

_-Well, why don't you ask and see what happens?_

The detective bit her smiling lip.

_-Would you like to go out for dinner?_

Olivia downed a second glass of orange juice and put the jug away. When the phone vibrated on the counter, she quickly shut the fridge door and flipped open the cell.

_ -I'd love to. I'll be ready at 5._

The brunette glanced up at the clock. It was two thirty five. She responded with a quick "okay" and hopped in the shower. She took her time in there, shaving and carefully washing every inch of her body. When she got out, it was already quarter after three. She had to leave in an hour and fifteen minutes. _Plenty of time_, she thought.

She dried off and styled her hair, walking naked to her bedroom. She slipped on a bra and underwear before making her way to her closet.

"Great. This game again."

She pulled out a pair of jeans and put them on. _Easy enough_. She looked through her closet and found a burgundy coloured top that she liked. She slipped it on and smiled at the way it clung to her body. She flattened the shirt around her stomach and nodded to herself.

She made her way to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, and put on some light make up. She went back to her bedroom and put on a watch before slipping on her leather coat and grabbing her wallet. She left the apartment ten minutes early, but figured it was better to arrive early than to be late.

By the time Olivia pulled up to Alex's apartment, she was shaking from nervousness and excitement. She felt doubts about what she was wearing, what she would say, how the date would go. This was their first real date. Would she make a total fool of herself?

Olivia sighed heavily and got out of the car. She made her way up to Alex's apartment and knocked on the door. The blonde opened the door and for the first time, Olivia didn't try to hide her reaction.

"I take it you like the dress."

Olivia could do nothing but nod. Her mouth was wide open and it took her a second to clear her throat and remember to breathe. Alex laughed and grabbed her purse before placing her hand on the detective's shoulder and leading her backward out of the apartment.

"Yeah uh… damn."

Olivia checked Alex out as she locked her door, trying hard not to reach out and grab the woman's ass. She looked amazing in the tight blue dress, and Olivia wanted nothing more than to run her hands all over the blonde's body.

"Ready?" Alex asked, smirking as she watched the woman's eyes move from her ass up to her eyes.

"Yeah. I'm ready."

Alex smirked but ignored the insinuation. The women walked in silence to the car. Olivia was trying hard to push the thoughts of taking Alex from her mind, and she was afraid that if she opened her mouth, she would sound like an idiot.

"So where are you taking me?" Alex asked as Olivia started the car.

The woman cleared her throat.

"I was thinking of taking you to an Italian place I know. It's not that fancy, but the food is great and it's quiet."

"Sounds great. I love Italian."

"Oh yeah? What's your favourite thing to have?"

Alex reflected.

"I love seafood, so I usually have fettuccini with seafood. What about you?"

"I love the chicken parmesan at this place. It's what I get every time I go."

"How often do you go?"

Olivia smiled at her, blushing.

"Uh, often enough that they know my name and order."

Alex laughed.

"I see. I can't say that I have made it to that point with any restaurants."

"It's what happens when you can't cook anything besides cereal."

The blonde smiled.

"Well, I'll keep that in mind next time we decide to eat in."

Olivia chuckled.

"You definitely don't want to eat anything I make," she said as she pulled into the restaurant's parking lot.

"Good thing you're bringing me here then."

The women exited the car and made their way to the front doors.

"Do you think I'm overdressed?"

Although it was just a summer dress, Alex felt unsure of the outfit for the small, homey restaurant. Olivia shook her head.

"You look amazing."

The detective opened the door for her date and followed her inside.

"Thanks."

She smiled at Alex and led the way to the small table at the back of the restaurant.

"I always take this one because it's the quietest area. I figure we can talk more privately here too."

Alex nodded.

"It's a very cute place."

"You don't think it's too.." Olivia said, faltering.

"No. It's perfect."

"Olivia! It's been over a week. I was getting worried."

Alex looked over and saw the waiter, John (if his name tag was correct), rush over to their table and squeeze Olivia's shoulder affectionately.

"And you have a date! My name is John," he said, putting his hand out.

"I'm Alex," she responded, shaking his hand.

He smiled at her, taking his hand back and turning to Olivia.

"She's pretty," he stated, half covering his mouth with his hand.

Olivia blushed, unsure of what to say.

"So, here is our menu. I won't bother giving one to New York's favourite detective because I already know what she wants. Just let me know when you're ready to order, sweetie, and I'll come right back."

Alex nodded.

"Thanks, John."

"You're welcome. Did you want anything to drink first?"

"If you have coke, I'll take that."

"Sure do. Coming right up."

The man left, leaving Alex to smile over at Olivia.

"He has a lot of energy."

"Yeah…Sorry about that. He's a really nice guy though."

"Oh, I didn't mean to imply that he wasn't. He seems nice," she stated, opening her menu.

She scanned the list and stopped at the seafood section. Seafood was her weakness, and she had been craving shrimp all week. She found a seafood linguine and immediately decided that's what she wanted. She closed her menu and placed it on the table.

"You don't like anything?"

"Oh no. I already decided what I wanted."

John returned, placing their drinks in front of them.

"Are you all set?"

Alex nodded.

"I'll have the seafood linguine please."

"Good choice. I'll have that out for you soon."

He grabbed her menu and made his way to the kitchen.

"So how did you find this place?"

Olivia shrugged.

"Kind of by accident. I used to live around here and was looking for another restaurant, but after going around the block three times I decided to just come here. I've been hooked ever since."

"Is this where you bring all of your lady friends?" Alex teased.

"No actually. You're the first."

"Really?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah. I don't date much."

"No? How come?"

"Most women don't like my work schedule. Or what I do for that matter."

"I can relate to that."

Olivia traced the side of her glass with her finger.

"When was the last time you saw someone?"

Alex reflected. "A year ago I guess. It didn't last long, maybe a couple of months. I didn't see it working out so I ended it before it got complicated. What about you?"

Olivia shrugged.

"A while. I haven't dated much to be honest."

Alex nodded.

"So what do you do when you're not working, detective?"

"Sleep. Go for a jog. Sometimes I'll catch a movie if there's something good. I spend most of my free time working so I don't really do much else."

"You should get a hobby or something. I know you don't need me to tell you this, but it's not healthy to always be in that kind of environment."

"Yeah, I know," she responded. Then, a thought came to her and caused her to start smiling. "Maybe you'll start distracting me and occupying my free time."

"Maybe I will."

Alex smiled back at her slyly, biting her lip and glancing away momentarily when she saw John approaching the table with their meals.

"That was fast," the blonde stated.

"We speed things up a little for New York's finest," he said, winking at Olivia.

The brunette shook her head.

"I've told him before not to do that, but he doesn't listen."

Ignoring the comment, John placed their plates in front of them.

"Enjoy your meals, ladies."

They both thanked him and started eating.

"This is amazing."

Olivia nodded.

"I know. Now you know why I come here so often."

"Definitely."

The women ate silently for several minutes. Alex watched as Olivia glanced up occasionally, eating more and more slowly until she stopped completely. The detective was now just stirring her food slowly.

"Liv?"

The woman snapped up from looking at her plate.

"Yeah?"

"Something wrong?"

Olivia forced a smile.

"No."

Alex stared at her, waiting. Olivia sighed.

"I just…"

"What is it?" she asked softly.

"It's this. You."

"What about me?"

"You make me nervous. I'm worried about this, Alex. I'm worried about fucking this up. I'm not good at relationships and with work…" Olivia trailed off. She looked away.

Alex reached her arm across the table and grabbed Olivia's hand. The detective looked back when she felt the contact.

"I understand your fear, Olivia. This worries me too. I haven't been that successful with relationships either and work was an issue in all of my relationships. But, it's different with us. I know you work crazy hours, and you know I do too. We have worked around each other long enough that we know what each other's schedule is like. I know you see horrible things, and I know how devastating they can be. I understand that sometimes you'll be called out in the middle of conversations, of seeing each other, and I know that sometimes our plans will be broken because of work. I just ask that you don't shut me out. I need to know when something is on your mind or when you need space. You need to be honest with me. That's all I ask."

Alex squeezed Olivia's hand and gave her an encouraging smile. The detective nodded slowly and took a deep breath.

"Okay. Thank you," she said. "For being understanding."

Alex pulled her hand back and picked up her fork.

"I know this is scary, Olivia. But at least give me a chance," she said gently.

The woman smiled.

"I will. I want to."

"Good."

Alex resumed eating, sliding her leg under the table to rest her ankle around Olivia's. The detective smiled into her plate when she felt the blonde's foot, bringing her legs forward to embrace Alex's leg between her own. The women ate the rest of their dinner slowly, making light conversation and enjoying each other's company. When they finished, John came to collect their plates.

"How was dinner?"

"Amazing," the blond answered quickly.

John smiled.

"I'm glad you've been brought to the dark side."

Alex chuckled and nodded.

"I look forward to coming back."

"And we look forward to having you. Would you like dessert?"

Olivia looked at Alex.

"Do you?"

"No. I'm so full."

"So am I. Just the bill then please."

"I'll be right back."

Olivia waited until John left before turning back to Alex.

"Did you have plans this evening?"

"No. Do you?"

"I'm free."

Olivia paused when John returned. She looked at the total before handing John a few bills and thanking him. The women got up from the table and made their way out the door.

"Did you want to do something?" Alex asked.

"Yeah. Did you have anything in mind?"

"I'm sure you can think of something we will both enjoy, detective," Alex said.

Olivia stopped dead in her tracks, watching as Alex shot her a seductive smile and disappeared into the car.


	8. Chapter 8

Happy Thursday to all my wonderful readers! I hope you enjoy this chapter.. and the lovely visuals that go along with it!

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Olivia felt her stomach drop at the look Alex shot her. She had to shake her head and remind her legs to walk so that she could make her way to the car. She had had far too many fantasies revolving around the blonde and many of them flashed before her eyes when Alex made the comment.

"That wasn't fair," Olivia said as she got into the car.

Alex giggled, shooting the brunette a smile as they took off.

"So where are we going anyways?" the detective asked.

Alex looked at her watch.

"Jesus. It's already 8:30."

Olivia glanced at the stereo.

"So it is. Did you want me to drop you off at home?"

"Well, not exactly."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, don't drop me off and leave. Come up and watch a movie with me?"

Olivia thought about it. She was definitely in the mood to cuddle with Alex.

"As long as we can share a blanket again."

The blonde gave a small laugh.

"We can definitely share a blanket."

"Good. Then I'll watch any movie you like."

"Is that all it takes?"

Olivia chuckled.

"Yes. Cuddling with a beautiful woman? I'll sit through six hours of Toddlers and Tiaras or any other terrible show for it."

Alex smiled.

"Good to know."

Olivia smiled back at her before pulling into the blonde's parking space. They got out of the car and the detective followed her date upstairs and into the apartment.

"Do you mind if I slip into something more comfortable?"

"As long as you promise to wear that dress again."

Alex nodded and laughed as she made her way to the bedroom. Olivia sat on the couch and waited, wondering what the woman would come out wearing.

"What movie do you want to watch?"

Alex asked, her voice getting closer and closer until she was visible. She looked cute in her flannel pyjamas, but Olivia was secretly disappointed the woman wasn't wearing pyjama shorts.

"It really doesn't matter. I like drama, comedy, sci-fi… I'm not fussy."

"Okay."

Alex grabbed one at random and popped it into the DVD player. She didn't really plan on watching much of the movie anyways. She made her way to the couch and plopped down beside Olivia.

"What are we watching?"

"It's a surprise."

The truth was, Alex wasn't exactly sure which movie it was. She grabbed the one that was on the top of her DVD player and just threw it in. What had been the last movie she had watched? She couldn't remember.

"Is it now?"

Alex nodded, smiling when Olivia pulled her into her arms. She felt her whole body tingle as the brunette pulled her close, wrapping her arms around her waist. Alex leaned her head back against the woman's shoulder and closed her eyes. This was the best place in the world.

Alex heard the movie start and opened her eyes. _Twister._ Now she remembered. She had watched this after losing a case a few weeks ago. This movie always distracted her from her problems. She'd been using it to escape for years. It felt odd to be in such a light mood while watching it. It didn't bother her though. It might even be nice to associate it to Olivia. She sat quietly, enjoying being in the brunette's arms. She tapped her fingers against the woman's hand, traced her fingertips along her wrist, and squeezed her fingers as she thought of all the reasons she knew would make her fall so hard for this woman. Olivia was everything she was looking for in a woman: hard working, caring, honest, dependable, lovable, funny, friendly, and the list goes on.

Alex felt the burning need to look at Olivia, so she turned in the woman's arms to look up at her. God, she was so beautiful. Alex ran her fingers through Olivia's hair, causing the woman to look down at her. They looked into each other's eyes for several seconds before Alex felt the mood change. She pulled away and turned to face Olivia. She rested her hand on the woman's cheek, watching as Olivia swallowed hard. She could tell that her breath was getting a little faster. Alex let her fingers travel down to Olivia's pulse point. Her heart was racing too.

The blonde moved and slid onto Olivia's lap. The detective kept her hands at her sides, not believing what was happening. She desperately wanted to grab Alex, but she didn't trust her own movements. Alex reached her hands up and cupped Olivia's cheeks, letting her thumbs trace over the woman's skin.

Olivia could feel her stomach drop. She had been dreaming about this for so long and the reality was way better than anything she had imagined. Alex felt so good on her lap, the soft weight of her body pressing into her thighs caused electricity to course through the detectives whole body. She felt her eyelids getting heavy as arousal kicked in. She finally allowed herself to bring her hands up to rest on Alex's hips, her belly dropping as Alex leaned in closer. She stopped inches away from the brunette's mouth, waiting.

Olivia looked up and they locked eyes. The brunette held her gaze for a second before closing her eyes and pressing her lips to Alex's. The minute their lips touched, the blonde let out a small whimper and leaned her body forward, pressing her whole body into Olivia's. Alex felt her stomach drop as Olivia ran her hands up and down her back. In response, she brought her fingers up and tangled them in the detective's hair.

When Alex shifted in her lap and traced her tongue along her lips, Olivia moaned into the kiss. The blonde took advantage of the parted lips and darted her tongue inside. Olivia felt her belly drop and her panties get wet when Alex's tongue slid along her own. Her whole body reacted and then melted at the feel of Alex against her, pressing her breasts into her chest, her fingers tugging on her hair, her tongue exploring her mouth. Her body was exploding.

She pulled away after several minutes, gasping for breath. Alex let her hands drop, resting her head on Olivia's shoulder and breathing hard in her neck.

"Jesus Christ, Alex."

The woman laughed.

"I know," she said huskily before nibbling on Olivia's ear.

"Ugh," the brunette pulled her forward so that they were facing each other.

Olivia leaned in and gave her a soft kiss.

"You are amazing."

"Are you just saying that because I just kissed you senseless?"

"That too," Olivia said grinning, leaning in and giving her another kiss.

Alex leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck, smiling when the woman wrapped her arms around her back. They stayed like that for several minutes until Alex became acutely aware of her the painful tingling in her legs.

"Okay… I have to move."

She grimaced in pain as she moved off of Olivia's lap.

"Ow."

Olivia felt a wave of guilt pass over her.

"I'm sorry. I had no idea you had pins and needles in your legs."

"I think it's just from sitting like that for so long."

Alex got up and shook her legs, wincing as the painful pins and needles hit her full force. She bit her lip and sighed in relief when the tingling disappeared.

"Give me a second. I'll be right back."

She returned a minute later with a pillow in her hands. She walked over to the couch and placed the pillow at the end of the couch.

"What's that for?"

Alex grinned.

"Wanna spoon?"

Olivia smiled widely.

"You're damn right I want to spoon."

She got up from the couch but Alex shook her head.

"You lay down first."

Olivia sat back down and stretched onto her side, pressing her back to the couch. Alex then laid down next to her, smiling contently when Olivia wrapped an arm around her waist.

"You smell amazing. I've been meaning to tell you that."

"Do I?"

Olivia nodded against her.

"I love the way you smell."

Olivia kissed the back of her head and snuggled in close.

"It feels so good to be holding you this way."

Alex shifted so that she could see Olivia.

"I can't believe you're actually here with me, like this. Do you know how much I've thought about this?"

"Probably about as much as I have."

Alex reached up and pulled Olivia down to her lips. They kissed slowly, enjoying the feeling of the other woman's lips and body. Olivia reached down and placed her hand on Alex's hip, her fingertips gently pushing the bottom of her top out of the way so that she could slide her fingers against the woman's skin. Alex purred into their kiss as soon as she felt soft fingers against her skin. She was about to request entrance to Olivia's mouth when she heard ringing.

Olivia pulled away from Alex.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me."

"What is it?"

"My phone," she grumbled, pulling away from Alex and yanking it from her pocket.

"Benson."

Alex watched as the woman's face dropped.

"Where?...Okay…I'm on my way."

She closed her phone and looked at Alex apologetically.

"I'm so sorry Alex."

"It's okay, Liv. Really. Go ahead."

Olivia grumbled before giving the blonde a gentle kiss.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Alex followed her to the door and gave her a tight hug before saying goodbye.


	9. Chapter 9

Hello all! This is a birthday chapter for you all, because it was my birthday yesterday! I had a wonderful day and now I'm 1 year shy of being a quarter of a century old... Not looking forward to next year's birthday! I know this one is being updated a little later (sorry) than the others. I'll be a little slower in my updates now because my girlfriend is in town (I haven't seen her in 5 months) so I'm busy focusing on her! However, since I still love you all, here is another little update for you. I'll be posting the next chapter right after this one too to tie you over until I'm able to post next. I promise this story WILL have an ending (it's nearly finished) so it's not like you'll be left hanging wondering how it'll end. I hope you enjoy this!

The next few chapters are based on the episode "Inheritance" season 3 episode 8. If you want the background for that case, I would highly recommend watching it (if you have access to it) but you can still understand this story without watching it. It's just for extra information and to make it more "real" that I recommend watching it.

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The next morning, Olivia called Alex saying she would be really busy until they caught the guy and that she was really sorry. A black man was going around Chinatown raping Chinese women, and the detectives were spending every moment they had trying to find the guy. She felt guilty about having to tell the blonde that she needed to focus on the case, but she knew that Alex would understand. It still pained the detective to need to ask though because of what had started to develop between them. She'd have liked nothing more than to focus solely on the ADA, but she knew that if she had a case, she'd never be able to give Alex all the attention she deserved.

At first, Olivia had been angry and more than ready to catch this perp. It was like any other case. She'd get angry that these men forced themselves on these women, using them and taking something from them that was not theirs to take. Violating them. Feeling like they had the right to do that and then actually doing it. It made her blood boil when she thought about it which gave her the motivation and the stamina she needed to hunt down these guys. This case though, this case was different.

The more time she was spending on this case, the more it was getting to her. Usually, she got close in every case, but not so close that it affected her too emotionally. She needed to connect to these cases so that she could be a better detective, but when it crossed the line into her personal life, like this case, it started to really wear on her.

She didn't let the others know that she identified so completely with this case that it was starting to eat away at her, but when people starting giving their opinions and talking like they knew what it was like, it made her want to scream. No one knew what that woman went through, having been raped and then becoming pregnant. No one knew what it was like to be that child, knowing that you were conceived because the man who fathered you violated your mother in a horrific way. And the more the others gave their opinions, especially Huang, the more upset she felt. She managed to mask it all because she knew if she let her emotions show, she'd be kicked off the case.

She felt like she couldn't remember the last time her mind had been clear of anything but this Chinatown rapist, and by the time they caught their perp, Olivia needed a break. This case was doing her head in. When they finally caught the bastard, Darrell Guan, a Chinese-American, Olivia was grateful to pass on the case to Alex.

The detective then took some time for herself. She needed to figure things out and sort the thoughts going through her head. Even though they had caught the guy, the case was still open so Olivia was still tormented by her thoughts, her questions.

Alex, for her part, was then busy trying to prepare a case to prove that this guy willfully committed rapes. She had no idea what the detective was going through and treated this case as any other. Had she known, she would have been more sensitive to the brunette, but since the woman was distancing herself, Alex respected her space. She had other important things to focus on anyways. The defense was trying to argue that it wasn't Darrell Guan's fault that he raped and terrorized these women. They were arguing that it was due to his genetics that he committed these crimes. According to the defense, he was predisposed to becoming a rapist since his father was a rapist and had passed down the gene that caused this violent behaviour down to his son. Alex thought that this was the most outrageous and preposterous defense she had ever heard. However, she had to convince a jury of this, so she spent countless hours making her case.

Despite the fact that she was pouring all of her energy into putting this guy away for life, she still took the time to contact Olivia. The woman was on her mind constantly. No matter what Alex did, the detective still managed to weasel her way into her thoughts. Alex could tell that this case was really getting to the detective and at first she had given her space, but when the woman couldn't even sleep because her mind was filled with thoughts of the brunette, she decided to reach out. She called, she left messages, she texted her, she even tried dropping by the woman's apartment but nothing came of it. She never heard back from Olivia and while she tried to tell herself that she was just busy with the case, Alex couldn't help but feel hurt. She thought they had gotten close; she felt like they had connected, especially after the intimate evening they had spent together a week and a half ago.

Alex paced her living room after spending another day (the third day to be exact) trying to get into touch with Olivia. She had sent a stalker-worthy amount of texts, but still had heard nothing back. She sighed and dropped onto her couch. She hated feeling this way. She was worried about the brunette, but she hated that she felt like Olivia didn't even care. If Olivia didn't care, why should she?

Alex pushed herself up from the couch and grabbed her notes for the Guan case. She had better things to do than to pine over a woman who didn't even want to talk to her. She forced herself to read her notes over again and prepare for trial.


	10. Chapter 10

Here is another chapter for all my beautiful readers! I hope you enjoy! **  
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All of the dialogue in this story is pulled directly from the episode "Inheritance" season 3 episode 8. I didn't write any of the dialogue- it's totally taken from the episode. So, don't sue me people from SVU! haha.

Enjoy! :)

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**May 18****th****- Trial of Darrell Guan**

Alex was in the packed courtroom, opening her briefcase and pulling out her notes. She had spent hours and hours memorising this case, but she still always kept a sheet of points she wanted to discuss so that she was sure she wouldn't forget. She took a deep breath and looked around, thrown completely off guard when she saw Olivia slip into the courtroom and take a seat in the fifth row of benches. It had been nearly two weeks since Alex had heard from her, and she felt a wave of emotions overcome her.

Alex cursed the detective for coming here and she cursed herself for reacting to the sight of her. She turned away immediately. She didn't need her emotions to influence her, so she forced herself to look over her notes and repeat for the millionth time everything she wanted to say.

Olivia, for her part, was here because she needed to hear this argument. She had to hear both sides of it. She had been in her own head for weeks now, tormented by the knowledge of where she came from and the uncertainty of what it meant. Could your genes really predict what kind of person you would be? Did you even stand a chance or was your life predestined the moment you were conceived? Olivia had been tormented by questions and she needed an answer. So, she came to the trial. She needed to hear this for her own sanity.

The trial started and Olivia listened to the defense attorney, Miss Nelson, argue that her client was not at fault for his actions since he was genetically set up to commit crimes. Olivia listened intently, secretly wondering if this were possible. The same questions that had been spinning in her head for the last two weeks came pouring back into her mind the more the defense attorney spoke. Was it possible? Could she have a violent gene inside of her too that just hadn't manifested itself yet? Or, was she just able to suppress that urge? Would she pass it onto her children if she had them? Could you really pass down violent tendencies to your kids? What if you could? Would that child basically be doomed from the start?

Olivia pulled herself from her thoughts when she saw Alex get up.

"Are all people with the defective DRD2 A-1 allele gene rapists, Dr Coffey?" she started.

"Well the gene defect predisposes one towards violent beha-"

"Uh that wasn't the question," she interrupted. "I will rephrase it. If a man has that defect, is he absolutely going to be a rapist?"

"No. Not absolutely."

Alex walked slowly towards him.

"We know with the cystic fibrosis gene that if the child inherits the gene from each of the parents, he or she will have the disease. Is that the case with the so-called violent gene?"

"Well a-a causative connection has not yet been established."

"But aren't you asserting your research predicts violent behavior based on genetic makeup?" she continued, pressing him.

"No, there are other factors such as, uh, upbringing."

"You never mentioned that in your testimony. It sounded to me as if you were saying genes are the only factor in violent behaviour."

She stared him down, causing the man to become defensive and cross his arms.

"Well, I can't very well speak to the influence of environment. I am a geneticist."

"I see. So your testimony now is that violent behaviour is in fact a combination of many factors, not just genetic."

"Yes."

Olivia's thoughts returned, and she stopped hearing what was being said. She had hoped Alex would make her feel better by arguing strongly enough that it was impossible for the "violent genes" to be passed down from generation to generation and that your genes had nothing to do with the type of person you'd become.

Alex had, in fact, blown a hole in the defense's argument, but by stating that the home environment influenced whether you became violent did not make Olivia feel any better. Flashes of her childhood flew before her eyes: being tossed against a wall, smacked upside the head, forced on her knees while she cried in pain… If a violent childhood augmented the likelihood that you would become violent once an adult, what happens if you have a violent childhood combined with this violent gene? This was not looking good. The hits just kept coming and Olivia could feel herself starting to panic, so she got up and quickly made her way out of the courtroom. She had to get out. She heard the judge call a fifteen minute recess as she walked away, so she glanced at her watch and made her way outside.

She turned to the left, making her way to the side of the building and leaning against it. She rested her head against the brick wall and closed her eyes, replaying everything that happened in the courtroom. She felt sick to her stomach. Most children were conceived out of love, but Darrell had been conceived through a vicious rape, not unlike herself. He had been bullied and teased his whole life by everyone who knew him, and while Olivia had not had it as bad as he, she always knew her mother didn't love her as unconditionally as most mothers did. As she had gotten older, Olivia had started to resemble her father more and more, and it drove her mother to drink just to be able to be around her. Olivia knew that she was a constant reminder of what had happened, and it wasn't just because her mother reminded her. She knew that her mother had tried to love her, and sometimes she was a good parent, but Olivia did not remember her childhood with fondness. She remembered loneliness, anger, sadness, instability, hunger, neglect. There were things she remembered as an adult, like being neglected, that as a child she couldn't put a name to because she was just too young to know what it was. She didn't know that normal mothers didn't leave their five year old home alone and didn't leave them to make their own meals. As a child, it had been normal. She had always felt a void as a kid, she always felt like something was missing, but she never knew what it was. Now, as an adult, she knew that she had been missing, craving even, was love.

Olivia shook her head. She returned to thinking about Alex's arguments, the defense's arguments, and wondered who was right. She felt awful inside. She felt like a normal person, but it was true: sometimes she got so angry and frustrated that she just wanted to hurt someone. Sometimes she even did. When she would get too angry, she'd rough up a suspect, like Darrell Guan. Right now, this anger and violence was always towards their perps, but would she one day turn on someone innocent? Would her anger evolve and grow?

The detective took a deep breath and glanced at her clock. The fifteen minute recess was long gone, so she pushed herself from the wall and made her way back inside. She didn't particularly care if she missed the defense's closing arguments; it was Alex's that she wanted to hear.

She quietly slipped inside and sat in the last bench. She watched as the defense attorney made her way back to her seat and leaned forward when Alex got up.

"Yes, Darrell Guan had a difficult life. He was raised knowing the only reason he exists is because his mother was violently raped. One can understand why he wouldn't grow up to be a well-adjusted adult, but that's not an excuse for murder.

In a civilized society, we have to take responsibility for our actions. If we start to justify all antisocial behavior under the pretense it isn't our fault, then the entire structure of the law is meaningless.

In the end, it comes down to what it is to be a human being. We're not just a product of our genetic programming, nor are not solely molded and motivated by our childhood experiences. The defense would have you to believe Darrell Guan's life was beyond his control. But the truth is, he was in complete control at the time he committed his crimes. He specifically chose his victims not because of some biological imperative but because of opportunity.

He knew what he was doing was wrong and he did everything he could to get away with it. Darrell Guan chose the course of his life. Make him take responsibility for it."

Alex searched for Olivia as she walked back to her table. She saw the woman lean back in her seat and run a hand across her face. For the first time in weeks, she finally _looked_ at her.

Olivia looked terrible. It looked like she hadn't slept in days. She could see the bags under her eyes and she could tell she was on edge by the way she was sitting. _What's wrong with you Olivia?_

When she got to her table, Alex turned and faced the judge and sat down, unaware that the brunette had gotten up and made her way out of the courtroom.


	11. Fin

Ahh! I know! Two weeks! I'm sorry! I come bearing a long, lovely chapter. This is the final one in this story, but I think it gets ended sweetly. This story, honestly, I think could have gone on forever. I could have kept going and going but because I'm leaving for Spain and won't be around to give nice regular updates (this update was already 2 weeks in the making) I needed to end it here. I leave next Wednesday (so just over a week from now) and I'm crunched for time. I'm working 10 hour days to try and earn some money last minute so, that, coupled with trying to pack, buy what I need, say my goodbyes, find an apartment, sort my affairs here, and squeeze in time with my lady is just getting to be too much. It's not fair to you guys, so I've had to end this story here. I'm still happy with the ending because it's a happy ending, but I hope you guys aren't let down or feel like this ended too abruptly.

A BIG thank you to all my loyal (and patient) readers. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed in the past two weeks.. I'm sorry I didn't send you an official thanks, so I hope you accept this one!

This chapter is still based on the episode Inheritance.

* * *

Olivia left the courthouse. She felt terrible. She had so many things going through her mind, so she hopped in her car, deciding to go for a drive to sort through the thoughts.

She had always said she joined the SVU because she didn't want to be like the man who fathered her. She wanted to protect people; she wanted to save women and children from the predators of New York City. But now, she had doubts. She didn't know. What if she took this job because she was inherently attracted to the violence, to the predators… all because of who her father was… because of her genes. What if she was predestined to have this type of job? Nothing other than law enforcement had ever sounded appealing to her. Was this the reason why?

Olivia drove around and before she even realised it, she was parked in front of Huang's office. She sighed, ran a hand through her hair, and got out of the car. She walked into the building and made her way to his office, knocking on the door before entering. She didn't know what she was doing here, but she felt she had to talk to someone.

When she walked into his office, she could feel the tears burning in the corner of her eyes. Huang greeted her, his soothing voice drawing out all of the things she had been keeping to herself. She voiced her fears, even though she was used to keeping everything to herself. They talked, but when Olivia left his office ten minutes later, she didn't really feel any better. She felt lighter for having shared her burden, but she didn't feel alleviated.

She let the tears stream down her face. She felt scared and confused, and she couldn't help shaking. By the time she reached her car, she was sobbing.

Olivia opened her car door and got in the vehicle. She sat in the driver's seat and wiped at her eyes, forcing herself to calm down. She bit her bottom lip and forced back the tears. She needed to collect herself. She hated losing it like this. She was not an emotional person. She didn't just _lose it _like this. She forced herself to take a deep breath and started the car, rolling down her windows to let the cool air hit her face.

Olivia had started off driving to her own apartment, but eventually she deviated from her path and made her way to Alex's. She hadn't seen the woman in weeks and she really didn't want to be alone right now. Being with the ADA sounded really good, so Olivia made her way there instead. When she pulled up in front of the building, she stopped the car and waited, tapping the wheel.

"Okay. Enough."

Olivia forced herself to get out of the car. She needed to talk to Alex. She owed her an explanation for what had been going on in her head the last couple of weeks. She had been avoiding her while she dealt with her thoughts, and she owed the woman an explanation. Besides, she really wanted to be in the comfort of Alex's arms. The woman made her feel so calm, so safe, and she needed that right now.

Olivia made her way into the building and rode the elevator up to Alex's floor. When she got to the woman's door, she felt herself getting weak. She felt emotional again. She was scared and she felt guilty for pushing Alex away. She wondered what the blonde had been doing all this time, and she could feel herself losing her nerve. Being this close to the woman brought up all the emotions she had been pushing down and Olivia could feel herself wanting to bolt. But, she knew she had to talk to her.

Before she could change her mind, Olivia raised her hand and knocked quickly. She could feel her stomach turning and she felt like she was going to vomit. So many things were going through her mind but before she could let them overwhelm her, Alex opened the door.

The blonde was surprised to see Olivia, and she was concerned at how disheveled the detective looked. She hadn't looked good earlier in the courtroom, but now that she saw her up close, it was far worse than she had first noticed.

"Olivia. Come in."

The ADA could see something was going on with the woman before her, so she moved out of the way to Olivia could enter her apartment. Olivia could feel tears spring to her eyes and felt the knot in her throat return. The blonde's gentle voice made her feel so safe and all those feelings of security with her returned. They made her want to leap in Alex's arms to hide from everything that had been hurting her lately. She wanted to cry and apologise, but most of all, she just wanted to be comforted.

She avoided looking at Alex, but when the woman moved to stand before her and placed her hand on the detective's forearm, she couldn't take it anymore. She lost the battle within herself. Olivia looked up at Alex and the minute their eyes locked, she broke down and starting crying.

"I'm sorry, Alex."

Guilt flooded the detective, breaking all control she had over her emotions.

"Oh baby."

Alex pulled Olivia into her arms, wrapping herself around her protectively. She held Olivia close, holding her firmly in her embrace. Olivia tried to fight the tears, but she felt too protected in Alex's arms. It was so comforting to be held like this, to be so close to the woman. She had been tormented by her thoughts for weeks now. She needed someone to comfort her. She needed Alex to comfort her.

The blonde led the way to the couch, pulling Olivia's head into her lap and stroking her hair as the woman let out all the fear and pain she had been feeling for the last two weeks. Alex held her gently, whispering soothing words and doing her best to comfort Olivia. The brunette clung to her, letting it all out and eventually slowly calming down.

"I'm really sorry, Alex. I know I didn't-"

"You're here now, Olivia. That's all that matters. Don't worry about the rest.

Alex ran her fingers through the brunette's hair, wiping her cheeks as the tears fell. Olivia sighed heavily several minutes later, calming down enough for the tears to stop falling. Alex waited patiently for the woman to start talking. Her mind was reeling. What was going on? Olivia couldn't possibly be this upset just because she had been distant for the past couple of weeks. Something else was going on, but the ADA didn't know what.

Alex waited, but when Olivia showed no signs of talking, she prodded her gently.

"What's going on, Liv?"

Olivia stayed so quiet that it was almost as if she hadn't heard the question. It took her several minutes, but she finally licked her lips and cleared her throat.

"Did you mean what you said in the courthouse, Alex?"

"When?"

"When you said that Guan had a choice and that the idea of passing down violent genes to your kids isn't possible."

Alex nodded, until she realised Olivia couldn't see her because she was looking at the wall.

"Yes. He made those choices out of his own free will. Even if it _were_ possible to pass down certain genes to your kids, like making them more prone to being violent, those people have a choice whether or not to act on those impulses. You're taught in life how to be a human being and how people act in society, if not by your parents then by teachers, relatives, friends. He knew what he was doing. And he chose to do it."

"You don't believe parents can pass down behavioural traits to their kids?"

"I think a lot of it has to do with environment. The only time I'd agree that genes are to blame is when it comes to problems or diseases that are inherited by the child."

"But aren't some people just inherently evil?"

Alex grew quiet, gently stroking Olivia's head.

"What's this really about, Olivia?"

She watched as the woman chewed on her bottom lip. Olivia sighed heavily before turning onto her back.

"When my mom was 23, she was raped. 9 months later, she gave birth to me."

The woman's voice was monotone as she spoke. Despite feeling deep empathy and wanting to say she was so sorry, Alex resisted the urge to let her emotions control her reaction. She reflected on what she should say, but she was having trouble. It was always difficult to come up with things to say (that weren't to prosecute someone), especially if her emotions were involved. Eventually Alex decided to try to draw more information from the brunette.

"You really related with this case."

Olivia nodded against her leg, still looking up at the ceiling.

"What if it's true, Alex?" She said, daring a glance at the blonde. "What if we don't have a choice? What if one day these genes just wake up and take over? I mean, it happens with cancer. One day you're fine, normal and the next –bam- you're sick. What if he… what if he passed something down to me."

Alex shook her head.

"I don't believe that, Olivia. Not for a second. Even if it were possible to pass down these genes to your offspring, that child still has a choice. You may feel the urge to hurt someone, but you can fight it. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head, you always have a choice when it comes to your actions. Having cancer is different. There's nothing you can do to prevent that or to reverse it, not without medical intervention."

Alex paused.

"Maybe it's the same for people who are sick, like Darrell Guan was. If he had this rage because of his childhood or, for argument's sake, because of his genes, he could have sought the aide of a professional. He chose not to and _that_ is the difference. You would have, Olivia. If you had these violent tendencies, which you don't, you'd seek medical help, wouldn't you?"

When she received no response, Alex brought her index finger to Olivia chin and gently moved her head to look into her eyes.

"Wouldn't you?"

"Probably…" she said softly.

"Olivia, you're one of the kindest, gentlest, most caring and comforting people I know. Victims gravitate towards you because you genuinely care and people can sense that. You offer comfort to these survivors and you offer them hope," Alex cupped the woman's cheek with her right hand and continued. "You always believe them, you want to help them, and you put your ass on the line in most, if not all, of your cases. You seek justice in every one of the cases you are given and you do it from the heart. Someone like that can never be a monster. You fight the monsters, Olivia, you are not one of them."

Alex pulled the woman into her arms when the tears started to flow. This time, she joined her. Both women shed tears and held the other tight, taking comfort in the other woman's embrace.

"Thank you, Alex," Olivia whispered into her shoulder.

"I'll always be with you, Olivia."

"I'm sorry I didn't come to you," she said, pulling away to face the ADA. "I was ashamed, and I just needed time to myself to think."

Alex nodded.

"I understand that, honey. I'm glad you came to me now to explain yourself. It helps when I know what's going on. If you can, next time just give me a head's up that you need space. I can give that to you; I just like to know what to expect and I like to feel like I know what's going on with you."

"I'll try."

"Okay. That's all I ask. I know this is new for you and I know that it's hard. Thank you for trusting me and coming to me this time."

Alex reached out and gently stroked her cheek.

"It's not hard to trust you, Alex. You make me feel safe."

The blonde smiled widely and pulled her into a hug.

"Good."

Olivia pulled back, looked into Alex's eyes, and then glanced away. The blonde could tell she wanted to say something, so she waited patiently as the detective worked up the courage to say what she wanted to say.

"I can see myself really being happy with you, Alex."

The ADA smiled widely.

"I'm glad you do…because I can see myself being very happy with you too, Olivia."

The women sat silently, Olivia sending the woman a shy smile.

"I know this thing between us is new, but I feel like we've been seeing each other for so long."

Alex nodded in agreement.

"I know what you mean."

Olivia reached up and ran her fingers through Alex's hair. She looked into the woman's eyes and smiled, and when she received a smile back, she felt her heart swell.

"I really love you, Alex."

Olivia's eyes grew wide when she realised what she said. She had been thinking it, but she definitely hadn't meant to say it. Alex, seeing that Olivia had slipped, sent a comforting smile.

"Don't worry, Olivia. You're not the only one who's in love."

The detective's eyes, which had glanced away in embarrassment, shot back to the blonde's as soon as the words were spoken. When she looked in her eyes, she saw nothing but happiness, safety, love, and promise. She leaned forward and kissed the woman, pouring everything she felt into the kiss. She felt Alex grab her arm and lean into her, kissing her with fervor. Tears fell from Olivia's eyes. She had never felt this way before. She had never been so easily accepted, comforted, cared for, loved. Alex made her feel things she had never felt before. Olivia was an independent person, she always had been, and yet she felt herself needing Alex. She wanted to be with her, around her. The blonde offered her the safety and comfort she had been searching for so desperately but could never find. She offered her love, something Olivia had been lacking so completely most of her life.

When they finally pulled apart, Olivia was gasping for breath and feeling a million different emotions. Alex smiled comfortingly, wiping the tears from her cheeks and placing one last gentle kiss on her lips.

"You're safe here, Olivia. You can always come to me."

"Thanks for giving me a chance, Alex. Thanks for being so understanding."

"I want to. I want to see where this goes. I can't wait for what's to come."

The brunette nodded.

"I know what you mean. You make me excited for the future, something I've never felt before. I know we'll have ups and downs, but I think we make a pretty good team."

"We make a very good team."

Olivia pulled the blonde into a hug and squeezed her gently.

"I love you, Alex."

"I love you too, Olivia."

The women held each other close, reveling in the other woman's touches. They stayed there for a long time, until Alex suggested they move to the bedroom to sleep.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I think we could both use it."

Olivia nodded, her belly tightening in excitement. She knew nothing would happen, but she was just happy to hold the blonde.

She followed Alex into the bedroom, sliding behind her under the covers. She pulled the woman close, inhaling deeply when the ADA's hair was right in front of her. She wrapped a protective arm around Alex's waist and kissed the back of her head as they settled into a comfortable position. The blonde intertwined their fingers, smiling when she felt Olivia nuzzle the back of her neck.

"I could get used to this," the detective stated.

"So could I."

"I look forward to our future sleepovers."

"Me too," she answered softly.

Alex yawned, squeezing Olivia's fingers as she felt herself starting to drift off.

"Goodnight my love."

"Goodnight, Olivia. Thank you for coming to me tonight."

"I might not come right away, but eventually, I will always find you."

Alex smiled gently.

"I love you, Liv."

"I love you too Alex."

With that, the women, smiling, drifted off to sleep.

Fin.


End file.
